2011

the year has not started off quite as i had imagined it would. . .

yesterday was really hard and sad and i felt anxious the whole day. i feel like at any moment i will start crying and never stop.

it is only 1:00 {i'm at work and it's silent, so i thought i could take a moment to write a little}. i've already cried twice today. rather than everything starting to work out in these last six days in the states, everything seems to be spinning out of control. i am still leaving saturday, don't get me wrong, but my last week at home has started off rough.

my heart aches for the law family, but i am truly thankful that ms. susan is now in a place of great peace and love. she was such an incredible person and i will never forget my first memories of her. i just told mom last week one of my most vivid memories from church at david cox involved ms. susan. i still remember helping pack up the kids toys after the service and i was carrying this big plastic bin when she stopped to help me carry it over to the other room. i remember thinking, not only is she the most kind person in the world, but she is so beautiful. when i think back to church in the old days, i think of the laws.

i also had to say some sad goodbyes to some people i love dearly last night/today. i said my goodbyes to brandi and georgia last night and i cannot imagine just how much georgia and griffin will change in six months! by far the worst goodbye was to abby and guion. as much as i love work at mainstreet, i just wanted to sit with abs all day long. i still have time with other people, but not her. she leaves for va again today and i honestly don't know when i'll see her again. late summer hopefully! sure skype/email is a blessing abroad, but even so. . . i don't know what my connection will be like or what the future holds. it's just not the same. . . i'm dreading the other goodbyes, but at the same time, i know this is exactly the way i want to spend most of 2011!

the party last night was smaller than in the years past, but really chill. even though i've never been as obsessed with tradition like sam, i'm big into keeping christmas and new year's day the same from year to year. my only regret with last night was that i wasn't all there. . . my head and heart where torn and i felt incredibly sad throughout the night. i acted the part of hostess, but inside i just wanted to curl up in mom's bed and cry.

with all that is going on, i'm really starting to loose it. i'm going on next to no sleep these past few nights. k and i opted to share a bed last night since we had a full house, but i kept her up through the night. at 4:30 she rolled over and said "grace, you still awake," i answered back and at that point i'd been up since we went to sleep. there is just too much on my mind right now, and i have a disability that runs in the family. . . you know, the one that inhibits me to say no. i'm working today, monday, tuesday, and wednesday all day, which leaves me only thursday and a little of friday to plan for six months. i have college stuff, taxes, emails, and paperwork to sort through in addition to packing/planning!

i know full well that everything will work out, but right now i feel overwhelmed. i'm so sorry to gripe, but i needed to get some of this off my mind . . . and because i don't have my journal here with me at the store, i decided to post all of this on le blog.

2011, so far you have left me sad and burdened, but i know that even on a grey and rainy day like this, there is light.

my last goodbye of the day is mainstreet. it has truly been the greatest job in the history of jobs. i'm incredibly thankful and blessed to get paid for something i enjoy so thoroughly enjoy.